Dear Ed: What's your take on the recent elections in New Jersey and Virginia, where Republican gubernatorial candidates prevailed? - Poll Watcher

Dear PW: I think these elections were enormously meaningful, particularly for people employed in one of the fastest-growing segments of the economy, the pundit industry. According to various large-cranium observers, the New Jersey and Virginia races point to the collapse of the Democratic Party, a rebuke to the right wing of the Republican Party, the end of Obamaism, the rise of independent voters, the final nail in the coffin of health care reform and the vindication of Jimmy "The Hedgehog" Obligato, a Cleveland bookie who correctly predicted, within 2 percentage points, both electoral outcomes.

Dear Ed: I read that the Democratic health care plan moving through Congress would cost $1 trillion over 10 years. A couple of years ago I briefly had a hundred-dollar bill in my possession, so I can almost remember what that was like. But I'm having trouble grasping how much $1 trillion is. Please help me. - Broke in Baker

Dear BiB: One scientist has estimated that if you won $1 trillion in silver dollars on a slot machine, it would take seven years and eight months for all the money to flow out of the machine, and then the weight would collapse the casino. Put another way, $1 trillion is slightly less than the New York Yankees will spend on their payroll over the next 10 years.

Dear Ed: Which party in Montana holds the edge in candidate mustaches and cowboy hats? - Hirsute Citizen

Dear HC: As of this writing, the Republicans are way ahead. U.S. Rep. Denny Rehberg and Yellowstone County Commissioner John Ostlund are two of the best-known mustachioed cowboy-hat wearers, and then there is state Rep. Duane Ankney, R-Colstrip. He wears a small cowboy hat, but he has a mustache so luxuriant it has been known to snag blowing sagebrush. Montana Democrats could get in the running if Gov. Brian Schweitzer, who wears a 10-gallon hat, would work on facial hair. Likewise, one of the Democrats running for Rehberg's seat, Dennis McDonald, could tilt the scales if he had a mustache to complement his enormous cowboy hat. It is a French-made 44-liter job.

Dear Ed: Did Billings Mayor Ron Tussing run for anything in this election? - Downtown Denizen

Dear DD: Yes, the door.

Dear Ed: Why did the firefighters union back candidates in the election? - West Ender

Dear WE: The firefighters got involved because of a feud going back to the last council election. One of the winning candidates, we won't say which one, asked the firefighters if he could use a fire engine for his victory parade. When he was turned down, he became very angry and, through budget amendments, removed the vibrating recliners from every fire station and had them replaced them with steel patio chairs.

Dear Ed: Can Mayor-elect Tom Hanel ride a bicycle, play the guitar and sing, like outgoing Mayor Tussing? - North Elevation Doctor

Dear NED: Unfortunately, no. But we have it on good authority that when Hanel was the mayor in Big Timber, he was sometimes seen riding a skateboard while playing an accordion. If this happens in Billings, our online department will make every effort to obtain some video.

Dear Ed: I have really been enjoying daylight-saving time, and I really, really enjoyed last Sunday, when I got an extra hour tacked onto my day. If time is just an artificial construct anyway, why can't we set our clocks back one hour every Sunday? - Clock Watcher

Dear CW: Excellent idea! I have given your suggestion lots of thought and I can't see a single thing wrong with it. Have you thought of writing to your congressman?

Dear Ed: Drawing on your deep understanding of the Magic City, how do you interpret the results of last week's mayoral election? - Inquiring Voter

Dear IV: My examination of election results leads me to believe that just under 68 percent of the voters wanted Tom Hanel to be mayor. The rest wanted Dick Clark. And I'm glad you asked because I've never understood why, with my analytical skills, I haven't been asked to be a television pundit. I think it's because those TV people are afraid I'd put them to shame. Mrs. Kemmick thinks I need a mustache.